The good, the bad and the waiting

August 9th, 2010 ~ 9:13 pm

So here I am at the place I knew I would be.

The movie is slowly getting out there and getting great reviews, which is excellent. It’s something I can talk about and quote reviews to help promote myself. But I’m also at a place where I have no theatrical representation and am at a huge disadvantage to get auditions since everything is electronic and only the gatekeepers can access them and submit clients. There are some ways around this, (illegal breakdowns, snail-mailing, etc.) but when 1,200 people are submitted online for a role, odds are they ain’t gonna get to opening their mail and care. I do not blame them. It’s overwhelming. So, it’s easy to see why one would need an agent.
Sometimes people (usually non-actor friends) will ask if I have an agent and when I say no, they say ‘Why not?’ as if it’s some choice I’ve made. Well, I guess I could make my friends refer me to their agents, but that just feels kind of shitty. I don’t know why. It just does. Like it’s something everyone has to do on their own, like a rite of passage, and doing it some other way is cheating. But at the same time everyone (including agents) says the best way to get a meeting is via a referral. Some won’t even open unsolicited submissions, let alone bother calling that person. I got my commercial agent with a postcard though, so I still have hope.
When you’re at this place you keep asking yourself- ‘What am I doing wrong? Am I aiming too high? Not high enough? Should I give up and beg friends for help?’ I usually answer myself with- ‘No, just be patient.’

So like I said- I’m at the place I knew I would be. Fighting with the post-Outfest negativity and pessimism. Fighting on through, keeping on the way I’ve been going for the past few years, working my way up. Pushing, pushing, pushing the boulder up the hill.

The more stories I hear in interviews or whatever about actors I admire, many of them struggled for years and years. I’ve only been at this for about 3 or 4. I think to be successful it’s not about luck, but perseverance. It’s always going to be super high and then super… nothing. That’s the nature of being an actor. If you can’t accept it, then you will be one unhappy actor.
I find comfort in knowing that I try to further my career everyday. Might just be submitting myself to projects, or taking casting director workshops, or acting classes, or mailing postcards, etc. But something, anything that makes me feel like I’m working for it.

Which isn’t to say I haven’t also had my share of whining sessions with my acting class about how hopeless and frustrated I am feeling at times. But in the long haul it’s all worth it.

Today I had a good callback. It was for a commercial that I submitted myself for, one of the first submissions I’d done since taking the break for July. Maybe I won’t get it, but at least I left feeling like I did my job. I forget who said this – Your job isn’t acting, it’s auditioning. Acting is the reward for a job well done. – It’s true. If I just keep working, I will be rewarded.


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